Monday, March 25, 2013
Side Effects
Hello faithful readers! I trust all is well with you and that you are preparing for the Passover/ Easter season. Well, I’m still on this journey and learning something every day. This week I have come to the realization that this journey is more than a season. I have been battling this “season” for (4) seasons now and I suspect there will be many more. I so wanted to tuck this little memory in a box, nice and tidy, and forget that it ever happened. I so wanted to believe that this was going to be a bump in the road. The truth is that I just now understand that my mind wants to move on but my body is unwilling. I am physically feeling the scars from this battle; the war has come and gone but the wounds have not healed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the chemo and the radiation knowing full well that they saved my life. The problem is that I feel like my body will never be the same. The funny thing is that there were days when I was in the between chemo treatments that I felt better than I do now. They don’t tell you all this stuff when you’re signing your life away. Chemo is like sin; long after you are exposed to it you still deal with its terrible side effects.
On a more positive note- I will walk in my second Relay for Life on 4/20/13. I remember walking last year and crying for the first two laps asking myself how I got here and was I going to be here next year to walk again. I will walk again and I will cry! God is so good!
Send me your prayer request please.
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Mr. Tammy Davis-
ReplyDeleteToday is day....??.....since my last chemo/radiation treatment...well gosh, I have no idea because treatment wiped out my memory. Probably a good thing!
So its been approximately 4 years- yet still those nasty little drips and RADs still curse my body.
Each year gets better, but alas, there is still a lingering side effect or two....or seven.
I can remember how weak I was that first year- then better the second, and the third....but I'm still no where near where I was before the dreaded treatment. Yes, i agree, it may have saved our lives- at least for this time period, but everything is sign of it coming back. Every little twing of pain, little lump I feel, hot red streak down my arm, upset tummy, constant headaches.....
everything has that dark cloud of relapse.
You have a wonderful wife to support you, she herself has gone through her own kind of CA treatment considering how nasty her divorce was.
It's important for our loved ones to remember and realize- yes, the treatment is over. But our bodies are pleagued with the aftermath. It may have only taken 1 year to distroy our tissues, but it takes YEARS to repair it.
I feel like a whimp for being so weak and getting tired so easy, I feel stupid for not remembering simple things, I feel lame for concepts taking me longer to understand than they should- but at least I know that it's for a reason.
Keep on truckin kid- it sucks, god i know it sucks. But, I try to focus on what keeps me going- a zest for life, a desire to explore and conquer the world, and to support others who are going through a similar experience.
Big hug to you (and Tammy). Just keep giving cancer the middle finger! XXOO
Kelly Hart