The problem with remission

Well it's been forever and a day since my last post. I'm happy to report that I'm still in remission. I'm very grateful to God and my family for taking care of me. Life for now is back to normal; well as normal as a family of 9 can be.

So what's with the title of my post you may ask? Remission is like being in a holding pattern. As much as I want to be "cancer free", whatever that means, I am not. I still have lymphoma. I hate even typing that word. The problem with remission is not knowing if this is just halftime or is the trial truly over.

I still have all the symptoms of cancer but they tell me that there is "no new growth". I pray for the day when words like remission are never used. Remission is a consistent reminder of what was.

I am optimistic about my future however. My doc says that I most likely won't die from this disease but I will probably battle it again.

Until then I must learn to be content with the word remission and understand that just like everyone else; I'm a heartbeat away from meeting my maker.

Holliday blessings to you all. Please respond with requests for prayer; I owe all you guys at least that!

So What am I so Afraid of?

So What am I so Afraid of? Well tomorrow is just going to be one of those days. I have a cat scan to check on the status of my tumor/growth/scar tissue- whatever! I hate tests that I have no control over. I can’t study or prepare; whatever will be, will be. I watched a movie with my wife and my oldest daughter last night that challenged me to deal with my fear that I have let run rampant lately. I am well acquainted with anxiety of late; it’s becoming a very familiar friend. So what am I so afraid of? The list- I don’t want to stay in the hospital anymore- it’s lonely and very confusing. There just seems to be a bunch of people walking around that know more about your case than you do. I don’t want to leave my wife and family behind. I just started over again and I’m really enjoying my life. There is so much more to teach my four younger children and so much more to learn from my two older ones. I’m not afraid to die- I know I will be with my Lord. I’m not afraid of cancer- I did this before, I can do it again. I am afraid of what this illness causes- potential separation from the people that I love, my family, my church, my co-workers and my friends. Last summer I took a picture of my hand overlapped with Max’s hand and I prayed- Lord allow me to stay in this world until Max’s hand is the size of my hand. We hold hands every day I am with him and mine is still bigger! Lord- whatever tomorrow brings- my hand is in your hand!

Side Effects

Hello faithful readers! I trust all is well with you and that you are preparing for the Passover/ Easter season. Well, I’m still on this journey and learning something every day. This week I have come to the realization that this journey is more than a season. I have been battling this “season” for (4) seasons now and I suspect there will be many more. I so wanted to tuck this little memory in a box, nice and tidy, and forget that it ever happened. I so wanted to believe that this was going to be a bump in the road. The truth is that I just now understand that my mind wants to move on but my body is unwilling. I am physically feeling the scars from this battle; the war has come and gone but the wounds have not healed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the chemo and the radiation knowing full well that they saved my life. The problem is that I feel like my body will never be the same. The funny thing is that there were days when I was in the between chemo treatments that I felt better than I do now. They don’t tell you all this stuff when you’re signing your life away. Chemo is like sin; long after you are exposed to it you still deal with its terrible side effects. On a more positive note- I will walk in my second Relay for Life on 4/20/13. I remember walking last year and crying for the first two laps asking myself how I got here and was I going to be here next year to walk again. I will walk again and I will cry! God is so good! Send me your prayer request please.

Cancer all around!

Greetings peeps, hope all is well! I know, you see the title and say to yourself, typical Greg! Well, I see what i see and I see cancer everywhere. The list of people that I know that are suffering from this disease is growing by the day. I realize now that I in the past I chose not to see but lately I have no choice; it's all around me. I see the same doctors and nurses taking care of the same people- the cancer class of 2012/ 2013. I may not know them by name but I cannot forget their faces. I know a dear woman who is fighting the fight of her life, a true hero, a Vietnam Veteran. She has suffered with this disease, battle after battle and now she is on the ropes. Please pray for her, her name is Cathy. A dear woman in my church is loosing her brother to cancer. I see how this disease impacts families and friends who are torn apart by seeing their loved ones dying with no hope. Please pray for him his name is Rick. My own brother in law is still battling alone and in private, his name is Ron. My dear friends grandson is still battling leukemia and will be for many months to come. Please pray for him, his name is Ethan. So much suffering, so much to pray for. To all the soldiers of this disease KEEP WAGING WAR!

On a positive note, I begin training for a volunteer chaplain position at Kaiser Anaheim. The woman who teaches the class is the woman who ministered to me in my darkest hour- she walked in my room, looked me in the eye, and told me of her story. She survived a cancer worse than mine. She vowed to God she would use this trial to serve Him. SO WILL I

Blessing

Send me your prayer requests please.

I'm Back

The Drought is Over Well after a long break from the Fifth Trial saga of my life, I’m back. I must take a moment to explain the reason for my lack of communication. I finished my last round of treatments by mid January and began the process of evaluating my life. The doc says no cancer for now but a reasonable chance of reoccurrence. So imagine my situation; cancer free with a worry of what if, married, two new daughters, blending a family and headed back to work and full time ministry. I needed to catch my breath! I must be vulnerable now and admit to you that I really needed a break from saying, or even writing the word cancer. I was and still am unsettled about my future. I struggle with fear now for the first time in my life. For now I can forget for a day that I had Lymphoma but when I stand in front of my mirror in the morning I am reminded by the three little tattoos on my chest that assisted the technician with my radiation that I had a disease that almost took my life. Please don’t get me wrong, I consider myself healed. I am bubbling over with joy and thanksgiving for everything that God has done for me. In the midst of that joy there is a scare next to my heart and on my soul. I have a new enemy now, FEAR! I recently developed a cold and cough like the one that nagged me for months prior to my diagnosis and I have to say that with every cough comes a little worry. Will there be a sixth trial? My future is in God’s hands and for now I have decided to “get busy lining”. Every day is a decision to walk in the light and stay away from the darkness of fear and doubt. Seems like a no-brainer for a pastor right? Yea right! So now for today’s lesson- according to Matthew 6, I am encouraged and commanded not to worry; the act of worry about dying actually shortens my lifespan. I will trust in what has never let me down; God’s sovereign love for me. How can I pray for you? Blessings, GD

Results are in!

Well my results are in. I received a call from my doc last Thursday with results from my recent scans. The CAT scan reveled that there is still a somewhat large tumor in my chest next to my heart. It measures about 3" long and about an 1" in diameter. He is not certain what the tumor consists of; he's calling it a lesion. He says its probably scar tissue- a residual of the LARGE TUMOR that he reminded my I had at least three times during our correspondence; what a guy! The good news is that the PET scan was negative meaning that there were no traces of cancer that was detected by the scan. The downside to all of this is that because of the tumor size the likelihood of cancer returning is high; story of my life right? So now we meet with my doc on 11/23/2012 to determine the next phase of treatment. He's considering a bone marrow transplant as well as radiation therapy. I have to admit that it's good to know that most, if mot all, the cancer is gone. I remain faithful in trusting God for my healing. I am also prepared for the long haul if that is what it takes. I want to thank everyone who has been faithful to pray for me; on behalf of me and my family, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Blessings

Round Six is Over

Hello friends, hope all is well. I can see you now, glued to your TV waiting to see who will be our next president. Food for thought for the TV pees- let one network cover Election Day so that everyone else can continue normal programing; my kids will be climbing the walls soon. Ok, I present to you the latest. I have completed six rounds of chemo therapy (the planned amount) and I had a Cat Scan today as well as a PET Scan tomorrow to determine the size of the tumor and whether or not cancer cells still occupy my body; scary right? The next step will be to meet with my doc to develop a plan based on the results of the tests. It is very unlikely that this trial is over. The best case scenario is that the tumor is completely gone and all the cancer cells in my body have been eradicated. This is my hope and prayer. I am preparing for something a little different though. The more likely scenario is that the tumor is dramatically reduced in size and that scar tissue and a small amount of cancer still remains. If this is the case I will most likely undergo (6) weeks of radiation therapy (I am beginning to hate the word therapy) there is nothing therapeutic about this process. The problem with this plan is that I will most likely be driving to LA five days a week for the entire six weeks, yikes! I continue to remain hopeful for a complete healing by the hands of my creator. It is because of this fact that I have joy and peace; He has been so good to me. I am surrounded by the very best people who make it their aim to encourage me and lift me up. My wife will tell you that I am a bit apprehensive; those that know me know that this is probably the most accurate. There is a lot riding on this outcome, my family, my friends and my church all suffer with me; that’s what makes them great! I stop daily and consider how my wife and children will be affected if I should leave this world to be united with my Lord. I know this bothers most of the people that read a statement like that but I must say that you should stop and consider the same. My family is my most cherished gift and I want to be with them to enjoy this gift for a very long time. I wait with great anticipation to know my wife more intimately and just be in awe of her greatness. I long to see what will become of my children; what profession will they serve in, who will they marry, how many children they will have and what trails await them. These are the things that I live for. Lord please lengthen my days so that I can enjoy all the gifts you have bestowed upon me. Please let my best days be in front of me and not behind me. Blessings! P.S. I still am waiting for your prayer requests. You can email me privately rabbiontherun@sbcglobal.net